Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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