i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and she was petting her beer can
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize