I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
