I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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