i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
