all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
