there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
