my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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