I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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