I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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