I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My life is pants optional.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
