Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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