New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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