I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
