That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
please come you make the beer taste better
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
