It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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