two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
