and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
