I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
