VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
