My room smells like vodka and shame
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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