i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
