I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
did i just pee glitter
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
