She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
