I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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