I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
