so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
