this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm passing your future prison.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize