playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
