I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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