its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
