Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
