She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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