i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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