Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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