I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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