if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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