I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
