I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize