he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
