My nipple is on Facebook.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
