i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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