when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
