yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my shit smells like andre
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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