my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
