Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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