from now on my penis is your penis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
