That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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