i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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