fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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