I seem to have left my pride at pride
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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