I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
