I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
