you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
