when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
