he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
