If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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