talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
